Handcrafted Coffee

February 3rd, 2017

I broke my coffee plunger (aka: French Press.) It's a difficult thing to talk about because one term reminds you of a toilet and the second one sounds like the publisher of a daily paper. Also, it means I haven't had coffee yet.

This put me in a caffeinated pickle. (Note to self: get R&D working on Caffeinated Pickles.)

If you know me, you know that I don't like taking "no" for an answer. Especially when it means no coffee, no cake, or no Mario Kart. So I made a slow drip coffee maker using spare parts I found around the kitchen. Here's a step-by-step guide, should you find yourself in a similar situation.

step one: ingredients

Early on, before I got my small French Press, I bought a pack of small coffee filters. I figured they might come in handy making tea or coffee in the future, but I never had occasion to actually use them. If you don't have coffee filters lying around, you can probably substitute a paper towel, a clean kitchen rag, or (if your a fan of Folgers Custom Roast) an old gym sock.

  • 1 Coffee Filter
  • 1 Paper Cup
  • Two Chopsticks
  • A Sharp Knife
  • Coffee Grounds
  • Hot Water
  • Your Favorite Mug (Or any mug.)

boil the water

Boil water. If you have a tea kettle, electric or otherwise, that's perfect. If not, you can use just about any pot on the stovetop. If you have a microwave you could heat up water that way. It really doesn't matter how. Honestly, I kind of expect you're able to do this without much hand holding.

build the coffee percolator

While the water is heating up, take the paper cup and slice a small hole in the bottom of it using the sharp knife. Be careful! This is the most dangerous part of the process. Especially if you haven't had coffee yet. The hole should be small, but not too small. I made a little x with the knife and pulled back one or two of the little triangle flaps.

Next, put the coffee filter into the cup. This is probably the easiest part of the whole process.

Put coffee grounds into the filter. Depending on how well your filter sits in the cup, you might get some grounds into the cup. Just take it slow.

Set your favorite mug (or whatever mug you have) on the countertop, right side up. Put two chopsticks across the top of the mug parallel and about an inch or so apart.

Now set your paper cup on top of the chopsticks.

If you know anything about coffee, you probably see where this is going. In fact, you might have stopped at the ingredients list and figured it all out yourself. Good for you. You're well on your way to being a productive member of society.

Once the water has reached boiling point. (Maybe your kettle whistles or your electric kettle turns itself off.) Slowly pour the hot water into the paper cup. This could take a little bit of time. If your filter is smaller than your cup, be careful to not let the water carry the grounds over the sides of the filter. It may take a while to slowly pour the water into the filter and let it drain. Be patient. This will be worth it.

pat yourself on the back and enjoy your coffee

There you have it. Real, handcrafted coffee. Bonus points if you had to roast your own beans, grew your own tree, or own an Asian palm civet.