When you buy a home you enter a world of spontaneous holidays that are not celebrated by the rest of the civilized world. Holidays such as "new water heater day" or "my basement has three inches of water in it day." My latest celebration was "oh I guess my garage door isn't going up or down anymore day."
Of course, I could still use the door, it just had to be operated manually. As if I was some sort of cave man who had a new car, but hadn't yet discovered electricity. Even Fred Flintstone had a garage door opening dinosaur.
Like all major holidays this one involved spending too much money, hanging lights, and shooting fireworks at drunken carolers.
The old garage door opener was a product of the '50s. This was evident from its drab olive green color and the Sears branding along the back. Sears lost its relevancy around the same time as the color olive green did and neither of these things have been used to celebrate "x-garage-door-mas" in decades.
Shopping for these types of holidays is difficult. You're not only shopping for yourself, but also for future you, and the person who will own your house next. None of these people are going to buy you a gift in return and all of them will be disappointed.
The new garage door opener is grey and red--the colors of non-descript utility. Non-descript utility is the theme of the "St. Garage Door Opener" season. It's also the name of my cover band. We mostly play the "Garage-door-giving" classics.
- 12 Doors of Garages.
- It closed upon a midnight clear.
- You're a grand old door.
- Shut up and drive.
Unlike Christmas, the beginning of "Gallodoorween" celebrations involve taking down the decorations from the last time this day was celebrated. If all goes well, some other poor chap can celebrate this day next time it comes around.
I strung up the Photo Eye Safety System™ with care,
It worked right away; that's one more answered prayer.
Originally I called up all my friends, to see if they wanted to join in the festivities, but neither of them were free. They also didn't believe this was a real holiday.
This year I got a 6' ladder for "New Garage Door Opener Day." This was a welcome gift, because when I celebrated "my other garage door opener is broken day" last year, I had to stand on a trash can for most of the party. At some parties, this might be appropriate, but this was not one of those.
It was truly a "Garage Door Fools" miracle! Not only was I able to fit the 6' tall fiber glass ladder into the trunk of my Ford Fiesta, I was also able to get it out again! Talk about awkward future conversations...
"The car is in good shape, only 100,000 miles on it. Still runs fine. The six foot ladder stuck in the trunk does extend into the back seat a 'little bit.' You also have to have the passenger seat forward all the way. No scratches on the paint job, though theres a few scuff marks and rips in the upholstery from when I tried to get the ladder out. Car was mostly driven on highways. Still gets great gas mileage."
"I'm sorry, did you say six foot ladder?"
Holidays like this one are varied in length. Sometimes they last for a few hours, other times they can last a week. They also vary in the amount of stress and grey hair they cause you. Fortunately this one only lasted a few hours and wasn't very hectic.
With wires strung and opener hung,
The door ran like clockwork.
Carolers came I took quick aim,
Lighting a firework.