10 Problems in Mario Kart Wii

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I love Mario Kart. (I really love Mario Kart Double Dash.) But every time I play Mario Kart Wii I find myself severely disappointed. I yell at Nintendo. I threaten my console. I unclip the stupid safety harness from my wrist and whip my WiiMote at large plate glass windows. Here are ten reasons Mario Kart Wii can make my blood boil.

1. Poor track selection. I felt the tracks in the game were only mediocre. I liked the inclusion of tracks from older games, but they left out some of the best tracks. They also missed out on a huge opportunity to have downloadable content, where they could add more tracks.

2. No HD. Welcome to the future.

3. Restrictive item selections. You’re current race rank limits the items you are able to get, and the effectiveness of the item.

4. No chat options for multi-player. I know Nintendo want’s to be child friendly. I know Mario Kart brings out the worst in people, it’s a competitive game. But when I’m playing I really want to be able to communicate with the other people racing. “Nice trap!” “Great placement!” “Take this!” “Not this stage again!” I don’t even care if we could only use canned responses, the multiplayer needs communication.

5. Multiplayer Track Selection is terrible. Everyone votes and the selection is random. Seems fair, until you play the same track 3 times in a row. There are some tracks that never get played on. Why can’t the tracks just be cycled through so you can play on all of them? (Oh, you don’t want to play on all of them? See point #1.)

6. Multiplayer Setup is final. If you want to play multiplayer you need to choose a character and a kart before joining up. You want to change kart? You have to quit and rejoin. Want to change character? You have to quit and rejoin. Want to switch from Manual to Automatic mode? You have to quit and rejoin. Also, see point #7 & 8.

7. Character/Kart set up is timed. You have a limited time to choose your character and setup. I don’t know what the time limit is, but it’s like 30 seconds. If you don’t choose in time, it chooses what you have currently selected. What’s worse, after the setup is complete, you often have to watch the end of another race while you wait to join. I couldn’t choose my character while I wait for the other race to end?

8. The home button is disabled in multiplayer mode. You want to quit multiplayer mode? You have to finish a race and select “Quit”. At any other time there is no way for you to pause or back out. Need to leave the room for something? Don’t like the stage your on? Feel like quitting? Turn off your system.

9. Auto disconnect for AFK (AFC?) players (even if one player is playing). I understand, if a player is AFK, they don’t need to be taking up a slot on the race track. But what if I’m playing with a friend and he leaves to use the bathroom, or make a sandvich, or take a nap? Halfway through lap 1 both of us are disconnected. Why not just kick the person who is away and let me keep playing? Also, why do I have to back out to the menu to switch from one player to two player mode for online play? (Hint: see points #6 & 8.)

10. The rating system is fickle and unintuitive. I can understand that if you drive “better” you get a better rating, but isn’t that what the gold, silver and bronze trophies are for? What constitutes “better” driving? What if I get hit by lightning during a jump and fall in the lava? Does that count against me, even though I can’t control when another person uses their items? Do I get more points or less points if I hit other people? I can’t play the game if you don’t tell me the rules. (Disclaimer: I love the card game Mau, but the goal of that game is to discover the rules.) To make matters worse the rating system consists of three stars, two stars, one star and then letter grades. Why have letter grades at all? Why not just have a one-five star rating system? Or why bother with stars, why not have A-F for grades? I don’t get it!

All together my endeavor for good wholesome fun is completely thwarted by Nintendo and their poor decisions. I’ve been angry at video games before. (Donkey Kong Country, Team Fortress 2, Other M…) But I never remember being frustrated by a video game MENU, at least, not until I played Mario Kart Wii.

That’s my story. What has Nintendo done to ruin your life?

A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin

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With the newly made Game of Thrones series on HBO many people, including myself are finding out about the story for the first time.

For those not in the loop, let me give you the elevator pitch. In 1996 George R. R. Martin published A Game of Thrones, the first book in the “Song of Ice and Fire” series. Over the next 14 years he published 4 more books, and has two more books planned. In 2011 HBO created a series based off the first book and presumably will continue with the next books in coming years. The rise in popularity is due in part to the publication of “A Dance with Dragons” the newest of the books and has led to all sorts of games and other merchandise.

If you haven’t read the books but enjoy fantasy like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, or perhaps just like epic-ly long stories like Peter F. Hamilton writes, you might give this a shot. The story is wonderfully complex, the different characters all have their own agendas and any prediction about what the future holds is easily overturned as people make decisions and mistakes in rapid succession.

Unlike other books this story doesn’t follow a single character, or even just a group of good characters. Rather, it follows a dozen or more characters, both “good” and “bad” and is not afraid to kill them off in realistic situations. (Sorry, not trying to spoil anything, just making sure you don’t get too attached to any of the characters as you start out.)

One other thing I would say about these books (perhaps as a warning) is that there is not one single plot line. In Harry Potter there is a single character with a single goal. In A Game of Thrones there are a lot of characters and a lot of goals, and no matter who “wins” in the end, a lot of people are going to lose. One would hope that the ending will be happy, and perhaps for everyone in Westeros it will be, but the way the books are structured I have no doubt that some favorite characters will be losers in the end. The books do not guarantee that “good” will always win and the wealth of characters offer an array of “good” characters who (at least right now) appear to be on opposing sides.

[Note: These books contain enough language, violence, and sex to not be suitable for younger audiences without some editing.]

But now on to my point:

I’m on book four, A Feast for Crows, which is what many people consider to be the low point or the slow point of the books, but I disagree. It’s true, the characters in book four are a lot of secondary or tertiary characters, and to some extent I really don’t care about them, but I think that this is a necessary change for two reasons.

Reason 1: The book centralizes around two or three main families and occasionally jumps off to someone else for plot thickening reasons. When book four makes these other people the subject, it reminds the reader that there is more going on in the wide world, and even the decisions and actions of minor characters can change the outcome for the entire land.

Throughout the first three books the reader discovers a lot of information second, third, or even fourth hand. Book four turns the tables and shows you what happens from a closer look.

So while these characters feel out of place and unimportant, I can’t help but feel that the actions and decisions we see in book four will have huge consequences in the following books as things rise to ultimate battle for Westeros.

Reason 2: In the first three books Martin finds his own style of story telling which nicely jumps from one character to the next chronicling important events as they unfold. As he progresses from book two to book three he begins to adapt his style so that we leave characters right before a big event and return to them after the event, leaving the event to be described in flashback memories from each character.

This style is very efficient for such for a story of such scale, since it allows both the story of a big event without excruciating detail and also the setup for the characters next big challenge.

Overall I like that style, but by the time the reader gets to the end of book three it starts to get a little repetitious. From what I have read about book four is that Martin decided he wanted to tell the whole story for half of the characters instead of half the story for all the characters. And I think he did a really good job.

The pacing of the story is certainly slowed in book four, but it’s a welcome change to the chaotic whirlwind of action that was book three. Think of it as a respite before things start to get crazy again in the coming books. (I only assume the next books will be crazy busy, because there is a lot to happen for everything to be resolved.)

In short, A Song of Ice and Fire is an epic series that you might want to look into. And while some people have complained that A Feast for Crows is the low point of the series, I think that it is a welcome change and well met, provided it is only temporary.

*ADDENDUM*
To clarify any potential confusion:
The five books from George R. R. Martin are part of the “A Song of Ice and Fire” series. Song of Ice and Fire is the ‘subtitle’ for each book. Some people refer to the whole series as Game of Thrones. Also, I have seen abbreviations used in many cases as well, usually just the first letter of each word of the title.

A Game of Thrones: A Song of Ice and Fire: Book One
A Clash of Kings: A Song of Ice and Fire: Book Two
A Storm of Swords: A Song of Ice and Fire: Book Three
A Feast for Crows: A Song of Ice and Fire: Book Four
A Dance with Dragons: A Song of Ice and Fire: Book Five
The Winds of Winter: A Song of Ice and Fire: Book Six (Forthcoming)
A Dream of Spring: A Song of Ice and Fire: Book Seven (Forthcoming)

A Song of Ice and Fire Wikipedia page.

User Experiences on XBox Live

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[Begin Rant]

My Brother once had an xBox live account but let it slide due to budget restraints and wanting to buy some totally awesome things that may or may not include a seven foot long sword.

Anyway, over the holidays our foreign exchange student suggested that he, my brother, my cousin, and myself play some Halo. So we try to start up a firefight match. All of us log in and after getting everything set up, we are informed that we have too many people to play firefight. So we play some multiplayer instead. But this isn’t good enough for four gamer buddies on vacation.

Now my cousin does have xBox live, and he also happens to have a promo code for two free days of xBox live Gold. So he brings his xbox and sets it up in one room while my brother signs into his account, enters the promo code and then downloads a whole years worth of updates for his system.

Some time later we are ready to begin. My cousin sets up a match, I join as a guest on his box while my brother and exchange student try on my brother’s box. The second a guest a logged in on my brothers trial account they get kicked out of the game. For some stupid reason a two day xBox Live Gold trial doesn’t provide 100% of the functionality of a Live Gold account. (Great way to test it out and see if it’s worth your money, right?)

Having no choice but to get an actual account, the foreign exchange student offers to pay and heads upstairs to get an xBox Live account for my brother. Since he was paying he decided to add it to his profile, and after putting in all his information, he realizes that he doesn’t have a postal zip code and xBox Live won’t let him sign up.

Again denied from our gaming ambition, I offer to put my credit card in. So I put in my credentials, unknowingly, into the foreign exchange students account. Upon finishing all the entry I am told by Microsoft that his account is not eligible for xBox Live. (I’m not sure why, they didn’t say. It might have been his age.) Also, Microsoft won’t let me take my credit card info out of his account via the xBox.

You’d think. You just might think that they could have told the account wasn’t eligible before they had me enter ALL MY DATA IN. You’d think.

By this time my brother has finally grabbed a USB keyboard to help with data entry and after logging into his account I am able to put all my info into Microsofts system again and purchase three months of xBox Live for $9.99.

Overall this was one of the most time consuming and painful consumer experiences I have had in quite some time. Not to mention that I now have to get two people to log in to the Microsoft xBox Live account and remove my credit card info. (Sorry, Microsoft, it’s not that I don’t trust you (though I don’t, [You can thank Sony for that]), it’s that I don’t need my younger brother and a Chinese exchange kid to have my credit card on file.)

Would it kill these companies to make this process any less painful? It’s killing me.

Facebook Books

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I’ve been meaning to get this in writing for some time now, because if I don’t I won’t be able to say “I told you so” when this actually happens.

With Facebook’s launch of the new Timeline feature, I think they are poised very nicely to start offering printed memorabilia. Think about it. They have photos, status updates, events, comments from friends, and more. They know what got the most attention. They have a good idea of what’s important to you.

Imagine this: you go to Facebook and click on a “Printed Book” button. Give them a starting date and a stoping date and Facebook instantly generates a 40 page book of photos, status updates, comments, and likes for your four years of college. You page through it, approving the photos, proofing the text, and swapping out the status updates or photos that are inappropriate for the type of book you are getting.

Rather than your college years, maybe you choose a vacation you took. With maps of where you “checked in” photos that you took at those places and comments from jealous friends who watched your progress from home.

Apple has been promoting books from iPhoto for years. Many photo printing places offer similar selections of printed photo books. There are a few independent companies that let you do something similar, but NONE of these options have the social element and all inclusive data stream like Facebook has.

The books certainly won’t be cheap, but they need to be terribly expensive. For $50 you could give your brother a book of photos and updates chronicling from when he met his girlfriend to the day they got married. (Depending of course on if your brother’s privacy settings allow friends to print books of his timeline or not.)

If Facebook doesn’t jump on this, a third party application will. (If one hasn’t already.)

In fact, I almost see parents setting up accounts for their newborn children to populate it with photos and updates in order to get a full life catalogue. (Facebook might even add this type of thing as a feature.)

That’s my prediction. What do you think?

Apathetic Zeitgeist for 2011

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It’s Apathetic Thursday and it’s time to take a look at all the terms which sometimes inexplicably lead people to my site.

I’m going to refrain from talking about the data too much and just let the number speak for themselves. Most this information is really only valuable to me and this is an easy way to archive things. So enjoy!

Here are the top 10 searches, provided by WordPress’ built in web stats (now part of JetPack.)

Search Term Number of Searches
portal test chamber sign 266
pi shirt 190
metroids 143
pi shirts 121
chamber music hero 102
mario games 91
i ate sum pi 78
portal test chamber signs 78
m&m addiction 71

WordPress provides me with the top 500 search terms, so I ran the list through http://textalyser.net/ for frequency analysis.

Word Occurrences Frequency Rank
portal 83 5.4% 1
chamber 57 3.7% 2
airtunes 57 3.7% 2
test 52 3.4% 3
mario 38 2.5% 4
out 36 2.4% 5
sign 26 1.7% 6
airport 25 1.6% 7
kart 24 1.6% 7
flickr 19 1.2% 8

Sorting though the list of 500 search terms, using only my vast intellect and Apple’s Numbers:

Term Search phrases containing term total searches containing term % of total searches
Portal 93 880 21.96%
Pi 77 862 21.51%
Chamber 66 857 21.38%
Sign 57 753 18.79%
Test 57 684 17.07%
mario 44 390 9.73%
Metroid 22 356 8.88%
Airtunes 59 328 8.18%
Kart 36 198 4.94%
M&M 13 126 3.14%
addiction 10 111 2.77%
flickr 25 88 2.20%
WordPress 20 69 1.72%
Tetris 7 47 1.17%
bug 6 45 1.12%

(*Note, some searches contained more than one term, so percent will not add up to 100)

Comments:
AirTunes. Clearly wireless technology such as AirPlay is still giving some people problems. I don’t imagine this will get any smoother as more devices start becoming wireless. The posts people are digging up are from 2007 and the same issues are still plaguing people today.

M&M Addiction. There must be some sort of conspiracy theory or television reference to M&M Addiction, because I get a lot of hits on that. I know I’m addicted to chocolate, but I didn’t know this was “a thing.”

Portal. I’m glad my Portal sign got some attention this year. I was kinda hoping it would hit some of the mainstream sites, but it never went completely viral. Maybe next year.

Bug. My “bugs in keyboard” post has generated more traffic than I expected it to. Although I had a spider run and hide in my keyboard, apparently other people have bugs coming out of their keyboards… *eeeewwww*

Chamber. While a lot of the “Chamber” searches were people looking for Portal things, a good portion game from people where looking for the Foxtrot “Chamber Music Hero” comic, which I linked to shortly after it came out.

Awards:
The “What is this I don’t even” Award goes to the 2 people who searched for:
“why do tiny ants on my cumputer”

The “Grammar King” award goes to the two people who searched for:
“if ms word file incomplete then how save complete”

The “How on earth did you find my site?” award goes to the two people who searched for:
“gooseberry drink”

Video Game Music

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I listen to a lot of video game music. My iTunes library consists of 7000+ video game songs (11 days, 9 hours, 54 minutes, and six seconds)* including OSTs, Remixes, OCRemixes, ZREO Orchestrations, and more. Most of the music is from games I have played and enjoyed, some is from games I have never even heard of (until I found their soundtrack). I enjoy the music in part because it is mostly without lyrics (a musical feature I find distracting during certain activities like writing.)

One thing I enjoy is listening to the different styles for each game. It’s almost like a fingerprint. I consider myself a meager video game music connoisseur and my bother and I sometimes play games where we need to guess which game the music is from. MegaMan has a very distinct musical style, much different than Zelda. Metroid, Kirby, Donkey Kong, Halo, Final Fantasy, the list goes on, are fairly easy to distinguish between musically.

Of course some of the games are similar in music as well. Some remixes blend and shift the musical style and make it hard to pinpoint. Other times a single song from a game will have qualities that point towards a different game all together.

Take Nayru’s Song for example: (This version is from ZREO Music.)

Often when I listen I am not looking at the song information and when I first heard this song I assumed that it was either from Metroid Prime or one of the sequels. Only recently did I notice that the song was from Zelda: Oracle of Ages/Seasons.

Originally I thought the music was somewhere from Metroid Prime 2′s Light Temple, since I had distinct imagery in my head when I heard the piece, but upon further investigation it appeared I was wrong.

MP2 Light Temple:

Out of curiosity I hunted out other potential doppelgangers for the song.

MP Chozo Temple: 

MP2 Sky Temple Gateway: 

MP Phendrana Drifts Chozo Temple: 

None of the songs were quite as close as I had originally expected, but there are definitely some similarities. Many of the Metroid songs have high pitched flowing melodies. with deeper undertones and harmonies. The only thing that the Zelda piece is missing is a strong beat, and perhaps using voices to sing or chant the lower parts.

Part of the confusion might come from the re-orchestration provided by the ZREO team, because when I went back to listen to the original it wasn’t quite as Metroid-y.

Still it is very interesting how different games present themselves musically and have a specific audio branding.

*Notes:
1 – I only have about 9609 songs in my entire library, if that gives you an perspective on my listening habits.
2 – I use to have more video game music but I recently deleted a few soundtracks I was beginning to find annoying, such as the mario golf and mario tennis songs.

*EDIT:* Due to conflict between the MediaElement.js plugin and the Jetpack plugin the audio tracks were not showing up when I first wrote this post. Before publishing I disabled MediaElement and went with the Jetpack version, but that only uses flash and doesn’t have an HTML fallback. Today I had some time for research and discovered an alternative tag I could use with MediaElement.js and now the audio here should be playable on all devices, including iOS. Just thought you’d like to know.

Ask Better Questions

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When shopping for calculators, computers, tablets, televisions, cameras, and other electronics the number one question I hear asked is ‘which one is best’? This is the wrong question to ask… Or at least, an incomplete question.

Let’s go hammer shopping and I’ll show you what I mean.

HammerDuring high school I worked in a hardware store. If you came in looking for the best hammer, I would probably point you towards one like this. It’s just like the hammers my dad and grandpa have. It works well and it’s cheap, so it must be the best. Right?


HammerWell, a few years later when I worked construction with my uncle. He gave me a hammer like this. It’s solid steel, so there is nothing to break in the handle. It’s a but heavier, but drives nails faster. So clearly, this is the best.


070609btThat is, unless you are trying to break a concrete wall. In which case I would direct you to a sledge hammer. Its strong, heavy and can take out any wall, concrete or wood. The strongest and heaviest hammer must be the best, right?


Hammer timeUnless you don’t want to destroy what you are pounding on. Maybe you really want a rubber mallet. If you are working with wooden pegs, maybe this is the best hammer.


HammerAlthough, if you plan to give this hammer to a 5 year old child, you should maybe plan to buy a small plastic hammer, or maybe one of those squishy hammers.

So what did we learn today?

We cannot answer the question ‘which is best’ without a use case.

So ask better questions.

One problem is that most people don’t understand the the technology to know what to ask. You have to slowly walk them through their options and find out what they want to use the device for.

Which means both the user and the helper have to ask better questions.

How do we solve this?

As better questions.

EDIT: When looking for images to accompany this post I discovered that there are a lot more hammer types than I had thought. I didn’t need to go into more detail to make my point in this case, but the Art of Manliness website has a post on How to Handle a Hammer and they list 10 different hammer types, along with hammer safety and usage tips. (And this doesn’t even begin to cover war hammers, masonry hammers, judge gavels, etc.)

The New Server

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Every now and then I like to go back and look through documents I wrote years ago. (Like, 3-5 years.) I usually stumble across a number of ‘gems’ I don’t remember ever writing. While I usually don’t feel it’s my best work, I sometimes find it entertaining, and feel like sharing it with the world.

So here’s something I came up with in 2007, most likely inspired by Dilbert, though probably not as funny.

Also, I think this is meant to be a cartoon, but since I can’t draw, you’ll have to imagine it. If you can draw, and wanted to draw this, feel free. I’d love to see what you could do with it.

Sales Rep: Sir, your company NEEDS a server like this, it is packed with amazing technology. First off, it has plenty of bandwidth so you can connect all your computers to it, and it won’t slow down. It’s got 18 cubic feet of storage space, so you will never run out of room. Plus it has some great custom features as well.

Since most viruses spread through email attachments, we’ve disabled attachments completely, and since most people receive 400 spam messages a day, we also simply blocked the sending and receiving of messages.

But that’s not the best part! Lots of websites have annoying pop-up windows, so the server is set to block those too.

And since some viruses can be downloaded, it also disables downloading of files. Also, bad websites could be a problem, so it disables the downloading of any page.

To prevent hackers, it won’t let anyone log on, change, save or add files, and it reboots every 42 and a half seconds to prevent crashes and data loss.

Boss: How Much Does it cost?

Sales Rep: That’s a good question. I usually sell them for $370,000… but I’ll tell you what. I’ll give it to you for $250,000.

Boss: I’ll Take it!

Main Character: Let me get this straight. You bought a cardboard box with the word Server written on it in crayon, for $250,000?

Boss: It was a good deal, I saved $120,000.

Main Character: You could have picked one up of the side of the street for free!

Boss: Look, he even threw in the cables!

Main Character: I can’t believe my boss bought a cardboard box for $250,000… How on earth did he become head of a company?

Worker 1: Yeah… Had I known he was that gullible, I would have tried that years ago.

Hobo: Hey, that’s my house!

Main Character: What? No, that’s our new server…

Hobo: Server? What is a server?

Main Character: I mean it’s not our server…

Hobo: No, it’s not. It’s my house. I’ve been living in that cardboard box for 3 years, until some one stole it yesterday.

Main Character: Hmm.. tell you what, why don’t you just take it back, and we’ll call the whole thing even.

Boss: Main Character, I have bad news for you…

Main Character: Let me guess, the server is missing?

Boss: No… is it?

Main Character: Um… no… why do you ask?

Boss: No reason… anyway, I just came to tell you you’re fired.

Main Character: What?!?!

Boss: We’re having some financial difficulties… See this server cost more than I anticipated…

Main Character: No.. no.. You are NOT firing me over this stupid cardboard box!

Boss: …and I had to buy some upgrades and stuff…

Main Character: Are you even listening to me?

Boss: And with this new financial advisor I hired, I can’t keep you around…

Main Character: IT’S A %^*& CARDBOARD BOX!!!!

Boss: Besides, you are the most experienced employee I have…

Main Character: Which would make me the least logical person to fire…

Boss: Which means that you have the highest pay, you’re the most logical choice.

Main Character: I can’t believe my boss fired me over a stupid cardboard box. I can’t imagine who would even try to sell a cardboard box as a server, let alone succeed in doing so.

Sales Rep: Can I interest you in a Toaster? It may look like a grocery bag…

Through the filters: FBI SPAM?

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I received this spam message today. It somehow made it through the Yahoo Spam filter. (Yahoo’s not quite up to Gmail standards yet.) Here is my line by line commentary of the letter. (I noted a few of the gramatical errors, but didn’t feel like marking up the entire document, so most are left untouched.)

To: MrBobDobolina
From: FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (admin@hzhky.com)

Yup, definitely from the FBI.

Subject: Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)!!!

Little known fact, the FBI is a heavy backer of exclamation marks.

Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Anti-Terrorist And Monitory Crime Division.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
J.Edgar.Hoover Building Washington Dc
Customers Service Hours / Monday To Saturday
Office Hours Monday to Saturday:

I’m glad the FBI has such open office hours. It makes me happy to know they are working so hard, except on Sundays. I assume the baddies take Sundays off too.

Dear Beneficiary,

Because the FBI has no idea what my actual name is.

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago.

Yes, I remember hearing about that in the news.

It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $850,000.00…

Oh it is glaringly obvious.

…due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.

Can anyone say ‘run-on sentence’? Also, I’m glad the Government Officials only had one selfish reason.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current president of Nigeria his Excellency President Good luck[sic] Jonathan

Why can’t our leaders have names like Goodluck Johnathan? I would totally vote for him.

to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes.

Now suddenly we are talking about Contract payments, Gambling, and Inheritance? What happened to the corrupt politicians who were forced into compliance three days ago?

Now how would you like to receive your payment? Because we have two method of payment which is by Check or by ATM card?

Gold bricks.

ATM Card: We will be issuing you a custom pin based ATM card which you will use to withdraw up to $3,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the Master Card Logo on it and the card have to be renewed in 4 years time which is 2014.

Current date: Dec. 3, 2011. Clearly this letter is a year old, I hope the offer still stands. Why couldn’t they have told me about this sooner!?!??!

Also with the ATM card you will be able to transfer your funds to your local bank account. The ATM card comes with a handbook or manual to enlighten you about how to use it. Even if you do not have a bank account.

Oh good. Because I don’t have a bank account and I have never learned how to use an ATM.

Check: To be deposited in your bank for it to be cleared within three working days. Your payment would be sent to you via any of your preferred option[sic] and would be mailed to you via UPS.

Say what?

Because we have signed a contract with UPS which should expire in next three weeks you will only need to pay $135 instead of $420 saving you $285

Wait, three weeks from now or three weeks from then?

So if you pay before the three weeks 2011 you save $285

2011 is only three weeks?!?!?! I’m confused. Also, can anyone say “punctuation”?

Take note that anyone asking you for some kind of money above the usual fee is definitely a fraudsters

Those dirty fraudsters. Asking for money above the usual fee…

and you will have to stop communication with every other person if you have been in contact with any.

I’ve been in contact with my mother, does that count?

Also remember that all you will ever have to spend is $135.00 nothing more! Nothing less! And we guarantee the receipt of your fund to be successfully delivered to you within the next 24hrs after the receipt of payment has been confirmed.

Note: Everything has been taken care of by the Federal Government of Nigeria, The United Nation[sic] and also the FBI and including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $135.

There is only one United Nation!

DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE UNTIL YOU READ THIS:

Ooops.

The actual fees for shipping your ATM card is $420

WHAT!?!? Are you a fraudster?

but because UPS have temporarily discontinued the C.O.D which gives you the chance to pay when package is delivered for international shipping We had to sign contract with them for bulk shipping which makes the fees reduce from the actual fee of $420 to $135 nothing more and no hidden fees of any sort!

Oh, whew! You had me scared for a second.

To effect the release of your fund valued at $850,000.00 you are advised to contact our correspondent in Africa the delivery officer Scott Mandy Will with the information below,

Punctuation. Capitalization. The word “help”.

Email: scott.mandy@yahoo.cn
You are advised to contact him with the informations as stated below:

1) Your full Name:
2) Home/Cell Phone:
3) Occupation:
4) Age:
5) Sex:
Preferred Payment Method (ATM / Cashier Check)

So in order for me to get my money, I first need to give a bunch of extraneous information to someone in Africa. Okay, that makes sense. I like how I don’t have to give an address. Just a name and phone number.

Upon receipt of payment the delivery officer will ensure that your package is sent within 24 working hours.

Working hours. Africa time or my time? Because I’m pretty sure I’m working at all hours. Just like the FBI

Because we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% money back guarantee if you do not receive payment/package within the next 24hrs after you have made the payment for shipping.

Yours sincerely,
Miss Donna Story
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535

Note: Do disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your ATM CARD,

Like you? Oh, don’t worry. I will.

you are hereby advice[sic] only to be in contact with John Will

Wait, who is John Will?

of the ATM CARD CENTRE

Oh hey! We are British now!

who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your ATM CARD PAYMENT and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office so we could act upon and commence investigation.

Which office? What address? Because I think I have an email from an impostor.

I honestly don’t know how any English speaking person could fall for this. Is the target audience foreigners?

A Technology Rant

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To all of you PC and Linux users who say that the PC is a superior platform because you can “tweak” it, and it’s for “smart people” to use.

You’re right. I feel so much better, having spent an hour troubleshooting the lack of sound in my video game. That hour I could have been playing was much better spent in frustration and tedious research. Had I been able to play for another hour I would have more quickly realized that my game would freeze for an unspecified reason at a specific point every time I tried to move to level two of my game. Without that initial crash I would not have lost my save data and remembered that I couldn’t rely on autosave, and would not have had to play through the first two hours a second time.

These machines we own, these piles of plastic and metal are nothing but toys. Cheap, pathetic toys and it’s a surprise they even run at all.

Half of you are currently scrolling to the comment section to tell me that I need to update my drivers. Others are blaming the software vendors. A few of you have already typed “get a Mac” and are about to press “submit.”

That’s not the point.

The point is that THIS IS NOT THE FUTURE.

THIS IS A DISASTER! We are living in A MESS.

I have an old and unhappy smart phone. It runs android. It’s crashed on me. But it’s crashed on me less in the last two years than my PC has crashed in 3 months. My iPad’s crashes can be counted on one hand. On both these devices apps can be deleted an reinstalled with minimal fuss in only a few minutes. You don’t even have to loose your data!

It’s often been joked that “Linux is free, if you don’t value your time.” This is almost becoming true for any PC. The time it takes to care for the stupid little critters is hardly worth the cost of owning one.

I know how much some people cringe at the though of a closed garden and closely groomed ecosystem. But IT WORKS.

Technology is suppose to make our lives easier. We spent the first 30 years of personal computing making our lives harder. We have finally started to learn how to correct this and our technology has finally reached a stage where we can make this possible.

Our solution always tends to be “we need newer technology.” The updated software and hardware has done little to ease our burdens. We just get frustrated and annoyed faster. We don’t need “better” technology, we need BETTER DESIGNED technology.

We need things with LESS FEATURES. We want LESS TO GO WRONG. We want all our things to WORK.

So stop telling me this video editing app is better than that one. They both have problems. Stop telling me OGG is better than MP3. Because nothing can play it. Stop telling me that a free system is better than my paid ones. You get what you pay for.

Let’s stop supporting the crap that doesn’t work start perfecting the stuff that does.