Apathetic Thursday

Me vs Customer

Philip — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 14:55:59 +0000

It’s always fun when people respond to what they think you are going to say, rather than what you actually do say. These are a few of my favorites:

Round 1:
Me: Stop again soon!

Customer: No thanks, I’m fine.

Round 2:
Me: …and you’re all set.

Customer: No thank you.

Round 3:
Me: Need a bag today?

Customer: No thank you! I got an electric car! *chuckles*

Round 4:
Me: Is that all for you today?

Customer: No thanks.

Round 5:
Me: Need a bag today?

Customer: No thanks.

Me: Okay, you are all set then!

Customer: Can I get a bag?

Top 10 ways to respond during roll call:

Philip — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 20:49:44 +0000

(In no particular order.)

10. Hello!
9. It wasn’t me!
8. Not my fault!
7. I told her not to!
6. I’m Sorry!
5. I can fix it!
4. It won’t happen again.
3. I said I was sorry!
2. It’s not how it looks!
1. I can explain everything!

Liquidated Laptops Part 2

Philip — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 18:29:30 +0000

My latest photo series. 13 photos.

Clocks

Philip — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 17:40:55 +0000

Here are a few ideas for different clock designs I have had in the past:

This is a clock, disguised as a thermometer.
(Picture courtesy Morton Fox via flickr)

This is a clock, disguised as a compass.
(Picture courtesy Leo Reynolds via flickr)

This clock only has a second hand.
(Picture courtesy mag3737 via flickr)

How would you disguise a clock?

Tech Support for Dummies… (Don’t be a dummy.)

Philip — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 00:38:56 +0000

Q: My Mighty Mouse stopped scrolling down. Is there any easy way to fix this?

A: This is the most common defect that Apple’s Mighty Mouse has. While it is impossible to fix, many users just spin their mouse around, and live with the fact that they can’t scroll up.*

Q: My keyboard is all grimy and looks disgusting. What is the best way to clean it off?

A: Usually a dirty keyboard is not worth the cost of sending it to the Keyboard Cleaners. If you’re looking to get a few more months or years out of an old keyboard, I would suggest giving it a fresh coat of paint. Avoid spray paint, as it may not fully cover all the surfaces. Use a three inch brush; I recommend firetruck red.**

Q: You just ruined my computer…

A: Did you know that dry erase markers work wonderfully on glass? They do, and it comes off perfectly.*** This means you can take a dry erase marker and draw on your friend’s computer screen! Then when they get mad at you, you can just wipe it off!**** If you’re not sure if they have a glass screen or not, just make a small mark somewhere near the middle of the screen, then try to wipe it off.***** If it comes off, then the screen is glass and you can continue to draw. If it doesn’t come off, then the screen probably isn’t glass, and maybe you should look around for some new friends.*******

*It doesn’t actually work that way… sorry.
**I’m not responsible for keyboards ruined with paint… …but I might have to do a photo shoot sometime…
***This actually is true.
****This is potentially true, but I wouldn’t necessarily try it.
*****This is possibly the worst advice I have ever written on my blog.
******Provided you are still alive enough to make more friends.

Sugar Cookies

Philip — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 22:15:50 +0000

The only thing better than a sugar cookie is two sugar cookies. The only thing worse than a sugar cookie is a cookie without sugar. By this logic, everything is equal to a sugar cookie.

Think about it.

Blind as a bat

Philip — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 16:07:08 +0000

It has come to my attention that the phrase “blind as a bat” is not at all politically correct. Bats are not actually blind, they just don’t see the way we see. That is to say, they see things differently than we do. In todays society of tolerated opinions, saying someone is blind because they don’t see things the way you do is not only frowned upon, but grossly inappropriate.

Think about it.

Venn Diagram for Internet Advertising

Philip — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 17:39:35 +0000

Top 15 ideas for bad top 10 lists

Philip — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 22:53:26 +0000

I was going to pare it down to 10, but I only had 15 submissions and they are all pretty good. So, in no particular order:

1. Top Ten Rapist Jokes.
2. Top Ten Ways to Just Barely Not Get Arrested.
3. Top Ten Ways to Illegally Emigrate.
4. Top Ten Ways to Annoy Star Trek Fanatics.
5. Top Ten Unsolved Crimes Committed By Me….
6. Top Ten Endearments Used Between Hilary and Bill Clinton.
7. Top Ten Things Shakira’s Hips Don’t Do Besides Lie.
8. Top Ten Things Microsoft Word doesn’t do.
9. Top ten list of good things Microsoft has done. (Besides Windows 7 and Halo)
10. Top Ten Things that would not be fun to vomit out.
11. Top Ten People by Whom You Would Rather Not be Spit Upon
12. Top Ten Ways to Annoy Your Prison Roommate
13. Top Ten Fruits to Hurl at Your Crush’s Significant Other
14. Top Ten Things to Say While Visiting a Psychiatric Hospital
15. Top Ten Things Found Under a Rock…

Dragons

Philip — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 17:40:14 +0000

As I was driving the other day I saw two men up on the roof of a local business. One of them had a ladder and the other had a shovel. Like you, I assumed that they were constructing an altar, where they could sacrifice goats or young maidens in order to appease the dragons. I felt sorry for all those innocent goats who were going to be slaughtered. Then again, those sacrifices will protect many good people who are willing to pay good money for good protection from a bad dragon.

ADDENDUM: I did not see any dragons today.