Category Archives: Science

5 news headlines after the invention of portal technology

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I’ve written before about my official stance on Portal Technology. But after playing through Portal 2 I had some ideas for five news headlines I would expect to see if such technology ever became widely available.

Practical joke leaves woman drowned in bed.
Jane Doe was found drowned in her bed this morning, after a neighbor saw water leaking under her apartment door. The water came from the apartment complexes swimming pool. The water was transported to the bedroom by two prankster teenagers who shot one portal through an open window of apartment and another in the bottom of the swimming pool. The teenagers were unaware that the room was occupied by the sleeping 72 year old, who woke suddenly to a torrent of water falling from her ceiling directly on her…

Car-jumping.
College students have developed a new way to get their trills and possibly die trying. car-jumping is the name of a new fad where students shoot a portal onto the top of a passing car and then jump off a second story balcony into another portal, propelling them up into the air above the moving car. The student then must shoot another portal on the street to avoid a hard landing and other traffic…

Sky diving forever.
People who love skydiving now have an easier way to fall through the air. With the invention of the dual portal device, soon to be sky divers can shoot one portal on the ground and a second one at a floating hot air balloon. After jumping through the portal the diver can shoot another portal at the ground and continue the fall for as long as they like…

Jumper misses portal, hits pavement instead.
Stunt devil John Doe attempted a jump off a 30 story building into a portal in an attempt to launch himself through multiple rings of fire for his latest publicity stunt. Opting to not carry a portal gun with him, hitting his target was vital. Unfortunately, the wind was enough to push him slightly off course, just enough to miss his portal and hit the pavement…

School provides portal devices to all incoming freshman.
Blurp University, the first to give iPads to all incoming students, is now raising the bar by giving all incoming freshman portal devices. “We think this is a great opportunity for all the young men and women,” said Dean Molf. “Our students all intelligent and creative, we want them to have the tools they need to succeed. I mean, seriously, what could possibly go wrong?”

What stories would you expect to see?

Teleporters, wormholes and portals

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I am a firm believer that we will never invent or discover wormhole, teleporter, or portal technology. That said, I do like to think about the possible consequences of such technology.

Star Trek explored a very simple example of how transporter technology could revolutionize travel.

In Pandora’s Star and Judas Unchained, Peter F Hamilton explored the use of wormholes for massive transportation over long distances. He also described the perfect bank heist using the technology.

But if we really had this capability, what would we do with it?

Shelve Stocking
Must to the joy and dismay of store workers everywhere, their jobs would easily become obsolete. The milk bottling plant could transport the milk containers directly into the fridge of the store who sells it. The store manager orders an item and it’s immediately transported from the warehouse to the shelf. Completely automatically.

Bottomless Pockets
You want to take your cell phone, iPod, iPad, wireless keyboard, wallet, keys, pocket knife, etc. along with you everywhere you go? All you need is a pocket with a portal built into the opening. The other end of the portal is placed in a box at home. Everything you might want can be placed in that box and grabbed at any time.

Car Wash
Arguably, we wouldn’t need cars in this utopian future, but let’s assume we still do. Rather than going through a car wash to clean your car, what if you just transported your car without all the mud on the outside or garbage on the inside? All the left over parts could be transported to a different location, or could simply disappear.

Shopping Carts
What if, when you put something in your shopping cart it would be automatically transported to your kitchen, or perhaps even fridge, if the device detected that it required cold storage. Such a device could easily stan for any sort of code on the object and bill your account accordingly.

Instant Shipping
Then again, why do we need to go to the store. If the stores get all their product from transporters, why not order it online and receive instant shipping? Amazon would jump all over this. Netflix would too. Any the pizza delivery place.

What would you use a teleporter/wormhole/portal for?

Hawks

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The Royal Society of Bethany Scientists went on a hawk trip this weekend. We headed up to Duluth, MN, where we were able to catch and tag two hawks that came migrating through. This year we got a Sharpshin and a Goshawk. You can see more of my photos from this year as well as past years on my flickr page.

Goshawk Soar Head 3

Sharpshin Soar 2

Goshawk Release 16

LMNTO

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Today I want to announce LMNTO.

LMNTO, (pronounced L-M-N-toe, or el-em-en-toe), is a bingo-style game for chemists. It’s a great way to learn the elements of the periodic table.

The game was developed by a professor and some students here at Bethany Lutheran College. This past month I have taken the game and developed an electronic version, making it easy for anyone to play. (The original version involved a number of excel spreadsheets which worked miracles.)

In the words of Eric W, the Chemistry Professor behind the game,

It is a great way to learn the names and symbols of all of the elements or just to pass some time with other people who appreciate chemistry.

It’s simple.

1) print out the randomly generated cards
2) click on the other link to play the game.

This game is only for entertainment purposes. Please no betting. I’m kidding, go ahead and wager you paycheck away.

You may notice there is no “free space” in the middle of the card. That’s because (with the same tone Tom Hanks uses when he says ‘there’s no crying in baseball’ in A League of Their Own) there’s no free space in LMNTO!!!!

Okay, enough talk. Go check it out. LMNTO Homepage.