Category Archives: Poorly Organized Chaos

The Book of Interesting Things

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The Book of Interesting Things is a book filled with wonders dating back to the beginning of time and going as far forward as the end of the world. Unfortunately, this book has been lost to us for thousands of years after it was destroyed in a house fire in Ancient Greece, after being checked out from the Library at Alexandria. (Interesting fact: it is said that the book had a page devoted to its untimely destruction.)

The truly interesting thing about the book is not the beautifully ornate cover with inlaid gold, silver, diamond, and lapis. Nor is it even really the fine and easy to read hand writing which covers each page, front and back, from cover to cover. It’s not even really the 7 pages devoted to neat facts about toes, which comes right after a 10 page article about flickr’s attempt to sort images by interestingness. But what is the most interesting thing about the book is how few people actually find these things interesting.

Page 834 of The Book of Interesting Things goes into detail on this very subject.

Now, many books have attempted to replace or copy The Book of Interesting Things. Some people claim to have found it. There was Kevin Dullard back in 1827, who claimed to have found the book and began going around reciting passages in a world wide book tour. He became quite wealth from the gig, until it was found that he was not in possession of the book, but rather had a large collection of cereal boxes and was reading content off the back of them.

More recently, you may remember Charlie Boreded, who wrote the screenplay for the movie “The Book of Interesting Things”. But the large budget production failed to capture the true essence of the book and most enthusiasts, historians, and treasure hunters walked out on the movie and, in an attempt to finally fit in, told their friends they had gone to see Titanic instead.

The list of mock-off titles attempting to capitalize on the book’s fame is lengthy, and while I will not repeat them all here, I will note that the list of “Best 100 Mock-off Titles for The Book of Interesting Things” and the list of “Worst 100 Mock-off Titles for The Book of Interesting Things” can be found within The Book of Interesting Things on pages 272 and 273 respectively.

Also noteworthy in the book is a list of things that the book promises it will not do for you. The list is quite exhaustive, and includes things like: do dishes, help pick up chicks, cure diseases, and carpet your bathroom. Including a footnote behind “cure diseases” stating that there have been some interesting disease cures that are listed on page 6291, should the page numbers still be intact and you are able to read the hand writing which slowly deteriorates from one end of the book to the other.

The hand writing in the book appears to be from a well bred young woman, probably around the age 12. As the book progresses, there is a distinct growth in the script and the small deviations fade away as the writer becomes more apt at the task. Around page 1205 readers can view the first signs of fatigue. From this point out, while the script is immaculate, you notice small indications that the writer is not only much, much older, but also is beginning to enjoy the task less with each passing day.

Literary Archeologist James Rigtway dates the page at being only five years into the task, though some critics claim that is far to soon and others that the first thousand pages were clearly written in a month. The entire chronology is speculation, however, since no dates can be found anywhere in the book and the content often jumps back and forth between future, past, and present. (Where ‘future’, ‘past’, and ‘present’ refers to our present time as well as both past and future times, depending on when you are actually reading the book.)

Few people have actually finished the book cover to cover. The only one on record is the writer of the book, who signs the final page with an illegible squiggle and states: “The book is done. And I read it first.”

Many wild theories about the book have circulated the internet, gossip circles, chain letters, city council debates, and even campfires. The most likely explanation is that the book is indeed lost for all time, though the group of people who claim NASA has the book and buried it on the moon in 1969.

And so it remains a mystery, even today. The Book of Interesting Things clearly has an interesting history and probably contains a lot of interesting facts, but it is a history and facts that we may never know.

-The Book of Interesting Things, “An Introduction to The Book of Interesting Things” page vi

Something about Pens

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I love writing utensils. I’m the type of nerd that can stand in the pen aisle of a store for half an hour before walking away with nothing in my hand. Unless of course you are an attractive young woman who thinks that sounds too nerdy, in which case that is a complete lie and I don’t like pens at all.

A few years ago I decided that I really like the Pilot G-2 series, and was happy to discover they came in a 0.5 as well as a 0.7 thickness. I bought a number of black pens and also found a mechanical pencil in the same model. I actually bought 2 packs, one to use, and one to sit in my drawer for three years until, just last week, I realized that I needed a pencil and I couldn’t find one.

It’s been awhile since I’ve been shopping for writing utensils, my latest purchase had been a year or so earlier where I found a ‘limited edition’ G-2 that was metal and cost $9 with a $3 mail in rebate. (Yes, I mailed in that rebate. Unless you are an attractive young woman who is looking for a rich man and thinks that sounds cheap, in which case I didn’t. Or maybe I actually did because you are an attractive young woman looking for a frugal man who is wise with his money.)

Anyway, back to pens. Finding myself short on pens at work and pencils at home, partly due to the fact that all three of my Scottevest jackets sports a pocket for each, I decided I should check amazon.com for pens and pencils.

Turns out they have them. I quickly found a pack of the G-2 pencils with 0.5 led and added them to my cart. But when I started searching for pens I found something interesting. Pilot has a 0.38 width pen that they call ‘ultra thin’. It was only a few dollars more to get a 12 pack rather than a 5 pack, so I threw them in my cart and checked out.

A couple days later I had the pens in my possession, and I am really impressed. Most the other pens I have are 0.7. So this is about half the width, yet it still writes smoothly and clearly. You can write a lot smaller, and while I haven’t been able to test it, the ink should dry a lot faster than the 0.7 model.

Overall, I would definitely recommend giving this pen a try, if you are at all interested in the devices you use when you write things down… Which I assume people are still doing these days, even though it is the future.

Oatmeal and Game of Thrones

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So The Oatmeal posted a comic about Game of Thrones the other day that completely described my current feelings, with two exceptions. (If you haven’t read the comic yet, go check it out, I’ll be here when you get back.)

  1. My family does subscribe to cable, and I did attempt to subscribe to HBO, but the shows were not airing durring the few weeks I had the service (I was a bit late to the game) and HBO Go doesn’t work with my cable company. (They aren’t even considering it as an option, because apparently, it costs them money.)
  2. I have not, and will not, pirate the content. Partly because of our slow internet connection, but mostly because it’s not legal and when I watch it, I want to see it in the best quality on the biggest screen possible. (Probably blu-ray.)

Also, Andy Ihnatko made an excellent point in a blogpost which was, to quote John Gruber, who Ihnatko credited with linking to the original comic “Infuriatingly spot-on.”

As much as I like to think that I am entitled to watch a particular show when and where I want to, I’m not. If I want content, I need to play by the content providers rules. I may not like their rules, I may hope that they change their rules, but they are creating the content and they get to say how it goes.

It’s not just Nostalgia

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Playing through Skyward Sword has inspired me to take a closer look at the other Zelda games that I hold in such high esteem. Friends and strangers alike meet my praises of A Link to the Past with polite smiles, nods, and reminders that nostalgia is a powerful force. So I decided it’s time I take a careful look at the game and see how it holds up against my complaints against Skyward Sword.

Upon starting a new game one of the first things I noticed was that I could quickly advance the storyline text and I didn’t have to read everything if I didn’t want to.

Now, I’ve played the game several times, so I know exactly where to go and what to do, at least for these initial stages. But even my first time playing, I was able to pick on this pretty quickly. (You know, back when I was 11…)

After taking the stairs down to rescue the princess, my brother and I were immediately amazed at the fantastic game design. A design one would expect more from Valve than from Nintendo, if the recent Zelda games are any indication.

The first challenge you encounter is a locked door. The room contains a bad guy (which you may have some experience with at this point, or you may not). Either way you need to kill him. The room also contains a chest. By this point you have had two opportunities to open different chests, so you should probably be familiar with the concept, but now we learn that maps are items you can get from chests.

 

The next room gives you a taste for what it’s like to fall off the edge and provides a small indication that you can throw pots as weapons. Standard dungeon behaviors.

The next room provides a new learning puzzle. Once you enter, the doors lock, leaving you face to face with a guard. Killing the guard opens the door. This will be helpful to know later.

The room to the right contains another guard, who drops a key when killed, and a chest. The chest contains the second big item in the game. The boomerang. Unlike the new “modern” Zelda games, the instructions for the boomerang are extremely succinct.

“You got the Boomerang!
Give it a try! (To select an
item, press the Start Button.)”

(That’s why I love this game.)

Heading down a few more flights of stairs, we reach the first enemy of any importance. After a little careful fighting (or throwing two of the three provided pots) you kill the guard and get the big key and can rescue Zelda.

…a few minutes later…

You find yourself in the throne room. One of the few times Zelda stops you to give you advice, she tells you which way to push the ornamental shelf.

The next room help you to realize your ability to light torches with your lantern and show you how it uses up magic power. (Note, at this point we have not had to earn, gain, or achieve magic power, we have it from the start.)

The next few rooms are pretty standard. The baddies make it a slight challenge by running into you and taking health. The puzzles are typical find a key, door, or both.

Several rooms later, we encounter two new things we have not seen before. The first is cracks in the wall on the left. We can’t do anything about them at this point, but now we know that maybe we should come back at some later point. The second obstacle is a set of four stone blocks. Simply push the one in the middle and you can walk right through, but now we know about block moving challenges.

Head up the stairs, through another room and come to the final challenge. Again Zelda stops you (I think for only the third time) and tells you which lever to pull. If you pull the wrong one, snakes fall from the ceiling. If you obey, the door opens and you finish the initiation task.

 

Here we find out a little bit more of the story line, but again it’s skippable if desired, and you can claim your heart as a reward.

That finishes up the inaugural mission of a Link to the Past.

So What Did We Learn?
1. We learned how to open locked doors by finding keys, either in chests or by killing foes.
2. We learned killing all the enemies in a room can open a door if it’s not locked by a key.
3. We (optionally) learned to use a boomerang and found out it freezes some enemies, and we can grab things with it.
4. We learned about magic powder.
5. We learned about torches.
6. We learned about pushing blocks.
7. We learned about lever pulling.
8. We learned who Zelda is, what she looks like, and where we can find her later in the game.

This is how games *should* work. You shouldn’t need multiple text boxes, alerts, popups, conversations, and cutscenes about every new little detail and operation. If the game is laid out properly, the gamer will learn to play as they go along. If a player doesn’t care about the story line, they should be allowed to skip it.

I blame the complicated controls. If Nintendo wasn’t making each new controller more convoluted than the last, we wouldn’t need to read a manual every time we get a new weapon. But hey, that’s just me. Maybe you like to read your video games.

(Special thanks to Ian Albert for the Zelda Map Dumps.)

12 Egregious Sins of Skyward Sword.

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Skyward Sword was a roller coaster for me. There were times when I would blow away an enemy my brother had trouble with using a series of rapid blows that even surprised myself. Other times the game would conspire against me, ensuring that the timing of Groose’s canon be such that a single missed shot at the beginning was enough for me to hopelessly lose against the Imprisoned. I’ll provide my complete thoughts on the game in a few days after I have time to consider things, but for now, here are 12 of what I consider to be the most grievous annoyances with Zelda: Skyward Sword.

1. Arbitrary Jump Points
In all of Skytown, there are only specific points where you can jump off the edge and call your bird. Most of them are marked with a wooden dock. So what you’re telling me is that Link is unable to call his own bird to save his life, if he accidentally falls or lets go of an edge he was clinging to? That’s just stupid.

2. The Auto Parachute
At the very beginning of the game your illustrious companion teaches you to use the sail cloth to break your fall when falling to the ground. The first time this happens you are SPECIFICALLY TOLD that they are auto activating the sail cloth for you this time, but in the future, you have to do it yourself. The game then proceeds to auto sail cloth for you at all but two or three points. (I can name two where you don’t auto sail cloth.)

I liked the idea of the sail cloth to break your fall. Right away I was trying to hit the button at the last possible second to see how close I could get, but I always felt that it was deploying a split second before I hit the button. So I stopped hitting the button and I automatically continued to use the sail cloth to break my fall, at every given opportunity. This is just lame.

3. Over emphasized and under emphasized goals
There are numerous points in the game where you eves drop on a conversation via a cut scene. The cut scene has a number of HIGHLIGHTED WORDS which INDICATE what your NEXT STEPS should be if you want to PROGRESS your QUEST any further. Immediately after these cut scenes Fi takes several more minutes of your PRECIOUS TIME to REITERATE the things that you heard in the FIRST conversation. Just in case you were not LISTENING CAREFULLY the first time.

Along those same lines, there are several puzzles where the next steps are not initially OBVIOUS. At these points Fi is strangely SILENT and when pressed for help or HINTS will respond with CANNED DIALOG about doing backflips or fighting techniques. Now I would totally understand and possibly ENDORSE this strategy, if they only used it for the WHOLE game. The fact that they flip flop back and forth only makes me think they didn’t know what level of gamer they wanted to play this game.

4. Beeping Buttons
Whenever something new is added to the dowsing options, you are shown it being added to the screen. That’s a nice feature and mostly helpful. What’s not helpful is how the C button flashes and beeps at you until you go and look at it. You just showed me the new dowsing option, I know it’s there. It doesn’t make sense for me to use it until I get to the location where I will need it. So don’t beep at me while I’m still up in Skytown!

5. Low Hearts
In every Zelda game I have ever played, when your hearts get low an annoying (and sometimes helpful) beeping will occur and the heart meter will flash to indicate that you are low on health and should be cautious. I also take this as an indication to find more health. Skyward Sword does this too, which is good. What I find annoying is that Fi will also begin to flash and beep at you during this time. When you call her for advice, she says you are low on health and should consider finding some at the earliest convenience. Thanks Fi. I hadn’t noticed.

6. Text. Is. Too. slow.
Oh. Wow. The. Text. Is. Typed. Onto. The. Screen. At. The. Speed. Of. A. Dead. Rabbit. Yes, I know, you can hold the ‘A’ button and the text will go a little faster. But then you have to let go of the ‘A’ button and push it again to progress to the next set of text. I found the whole process tedious. Now, I understand. Zelda has had slow typing text in all it’s games. But even OoT and LttP had some decent options for skipping text if you really wanted to, or at least making it faster.

7. Repeated dialog boxes for repeat items.
I just don’t get this at all. Twilight Princess had a similar “bug” which I found very annoying. If I get an amber droplet, I get a dialog box telling me what it is along with an animation of it going into my inventory. This is fine the first time I find an item. It’s not fine the time I find the 30th item.

The dialog/animation combo appears for the first of each item you find, per play period. So you get the message when you find an item. The next time you find one you just pick it up, without the fanfare… unless, you shut the wii off. In which case the next time you get an item, you get the fanfare again.

The same goes for areas like the final boss, where I am told I can’t return unless I beat him. But I have to go through the same dialog box and choose “Yes” every time I play.

8. Bug selling interface.
What. The. Heck. Nintendo. The interface for selling bugs might be the worst possible interface I have seen in my entire life. To start, he only buys three different types of bugs each night, completely randomized. When choosing which bugs you want to sell, you have no way of knowing which ones you have, unless you check your inventory ahead of time and can remember each bugs name. When you actually sell them you have to choose how many you want to sell: 1, 5, or All of them. Whoever came up with this system needs to be fired. Like yesterday.

9. Ghirahim
I’m almost at a loss of words here. (Not really.) To me, Ghirahim came across as one of the worst characterized baddies in any Zelda I have ever played. He talked like Captain Kirk with a faltering, over dramatic, super paused speech. The first fight started off with him telling you he was having a bad day and was going to just toy with you and wasn’t going to kill you.

I don’t know about you, but if I was attempting world domination, or any sort of evil plot, and there was anyone who might possibly or even theoretically be able to stop me, I would not just beat him within inches of his life. I would eliminate him. If he’s able to grab my sword with his fingers, why would he not kill me. Or at least take my sword and throw it into the sea.

Ghirahim never had malice or even the motive for me to think of him as a bad guy. I spent the whole game thinking of him as a moron.

10. Wii Controls
I will gladly admit to A) not being the best gamer on the planet and B) not really being a fan of motion controls. That said, I feel that Skyward Sword had decent motion when trying to aim different slices, swipes, and strikes.

However, that does not excuse the fact that in many instances the Wiimote just isn’t up to par with real life. When the Wiimote was cooperating, we got along well. When it wasn’t I had miss swings, I had to shake the controls up and down like a rattle for 5 seconds before I could do a finishing move, shield bashing was not an option in a rapid fire sword battle, etc. They just were not responsive enough for my liking or ability.

Now I’ve seen some blog posts and forum discussions where people have claimed that they have never had any problems with their Wiimote and never had to recalibrate it. That’s good for you. I’m glad you didn’t go through the torture I had to. But I did have problems.

Several times I would be flying my beetle or my bird and suddenly at the last second, it would veer off in the wrong direction.

Also, this is a small thing, but it bugged me the whole game. When switching to an item like the bow, the direction you faced was based off the camera direction, not the direction Link was facing. Over and over again, I maneuvered Link so he was facing the direction I wanted to shoot, but I would forget to hit the ‘Z’ button. When I took out the bow I would be facing the opposite direction I wanted to face, because the camera was still facing that way, even though Link was facing the other way.

(Side note: I’m convinced that the only reason the game had “Are You Sure” dialog boxes [which I also found very obnoxious] is because the Wii motion controls are so fickle that they didn’t want people accidentally choosing options because the Wiimote didn’t work correctly.)

11. Seamless Menus
Along those same lines, the seamless menus were not at all helpful. The fact that you could still run around while changing which weapon is equipped is neat, until you are frantically trying to grab a health potion while an enemy is attacking you and you are trying to run away while selecting the right item on the screen.

The control scheme was also inconsistent. Selected items from the pouch used ‘A’, making it so you couldn’t run with items equipped. Items from the other item menu (does it have a name?) used ‘B’ to use… unless it used flailing the Wiimote… or some that used the ‘A’ button. The ‘B’ button was used to take it out and put it away, but the ‘A’ button used it. I never got use to the controls.

12. Item loss when “continuing” after death
This is one of my biggest gripes in a lot of different games. I have three health potions and full hearts. I go into a boss, fight him, and lose. Given the option to quit or continue, I choose continue and quickly find myself with only 7 hearts and three empty bottles, standing right outside the boss door, where I had saved, just minutes before.

“Continue” means “assume you fought that battle and lost, now you miraculously and inexplicably have a second chance, go do it.” What “Continue” should mean is “you died, but lets go back to the point before you died and try again.” In this later option, you would have the same inventory you did before you went into battle the first time.

I don’t understand why games do this. Final Fantasy did it too. In order to fight Demise properly, every time he beat me (which was a lot) I had to quit to the main menu or if I hit continue, I had to use the Wii menu to reset the game so I could go back to my save point when I had all my health. This became almost as tedious as the final boss fight.

Bonus:
I didn’t feel right adding every little annoyance to my list, but I felt I should mention two other things I noticed which seem either silly or out of place to me.

1. Lava butt animation
It felt really out of place to me. Not very Zelda-ish, more Mario-ish. Like Super Mario 64, except you could actually use that to your advantage. In Skyward Sword is was just stupid.

2. Heart piece progress
Did anyone else notice that the heart piece progress is all text? It shows you on the menu, but the dialog about each new piece says “Three to go” or “one more to go” without any visuals. A LttP actually had a visual of your current heart piece progress in the dialog box. That was cool.

EPILOGUE
I’ll be posting more thoughts on the game in the next few days as I have time to mull things over. The things I’ve mentioned here are only mentioned because I found them annoying and distracting. I’m not saying that other games (Zelda or not) don’t do this, I’m saying I don’t like the fact they did this here.

If you think I’m out of line, or you had a similar experience, please share it with me in the comments. I would love to hear your thoughts on my thoughts.

Lore, Canon, & Fanfiction

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I’ve always been fascinated by the fictitious worlds that sparked my imagination. Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Stargate, Zelda, Metroid, and more recently Game of Thrones.

With all these books and shows however, comes a set of official documents by the original creators and authors which describe the true canon for the different series.

As a geek and a perfectionist, I’ve always held on closely to the canon of certain stories. Especially ones that I have really enjoyed over the years.

I’ve never really been a big fan of fan fiction. I enjoy the occasional parody. Somethings are really well done, but good fan fiction doesn’t step out of the realm of reality within the framing of each story. Bad fan fiction (is it still fan fiction then?) will completely destroy the physics or culture of the world. If done properly, destroying the world, or perhaps mixing two different worlds can be fun and enjoyable, but overall, fan fiction has never really been my cup of tea.

But there is another type of story which also captures my imagination, Yet unlike the stories by J.R.R. Tolkien, or George R. R. Martin, there is no strict doctrine that these stories must follow. The stories I am talking about are lore or folklore.

Lore, or folktales are very interesting. Anyone can use the characters and adapt them as they like and there is nothing to be disproven about them. This makes it very hard for people like me, who enjoy having a defined set of rules for each universe to live in.

Think of it this way, the epic imaginings of Tolkien are like are like rules that govern a nation. Everything is all in under one law. But lore is like a continent, where every town on the continent is part of the same land, but each has it’s own laws or rules.

Take for example, Dracula. I absolutely love Dracula, by Bram Stoker. While the idea and concept of the stealthy and powerful vampire is intriguing, Dracula does an amazing job of making the vampire out to be this extremely evil creature. (I mean, come on. He eats a baby.)

The whole folklore behind vampires is that they are truly evil and greatly feared creatures. Most of the lore for vampires is agreed upon. To kill them you need to stab them in a heart with a stake, put garlic in their mouth and cut off their head. They don’t go out in sunlight. They can control evil creatures like rats or wolves. They can turn into bats. They drink blood, can’t seen in mirrors, can’t stand garlic, Crucifixes, etc. They can’t enter a room unless they are invited, some can’t cross running water, they are highly seductive, and VERY, VERY EVIL.

Most lore agrees on the evilness of vampires because most of it comes from folk tales, oral tradition, and really old books. When people potentially believed they existed. However, since no one person “invented” vampires, anyone can make up whatever they want to about them. So if you wanted to write a book about how a teenage girl falls in love with a vampire who, like all other vampires, wears a clown wig, dresses up like lady gaga whenever he needs to go into the sunlight, and prefer to drink cherry soda over blood, you are more than welcome to do so, because there are no official rules about vampires.

The reason I am finding this all relevant right now is that I recently watched Pirates of the Caribbean 4, On Stranger Tides. I was really intrigued by the lore that surrounded mermaids.

I’ve always enjoyed the idea of mermaids, but I’ve never really delved deeply into mermaid lore. So when the (spoiler alert) mermaids turn out to be deadly vampire fanged seductive and potentially evil creatures, I was a bit taken aback, and also a little curious. (Don’t get me wrong, even if they are seductive killing machines they would still have my vote over Count Clownboy.)

Since watching the movie I’ve done a little research on mermaids and while I’m sure most of the stories came from partially to fully drunk sailors and pirates who were looking to impress the men at the local pubs after what was most certainly a very dull and uninteresting voyage. Other ones probably came from professional story tellers of the Greeks who knew how to keep their audience listening.

At any rate, if Twilight is any indication, we might be in prime time for a mermaid story about a girl who sparkles when she walks on land and doesn’t really want to seduce and kill this guy, because she is really in love. And that’s a movie I just might go see.

Welcome to the future!

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It’s 2012. By now we are suppose to be living a a utopian society filled with flying cars… Yet the state of affairs appears to be severely lacking:

  • Cruise control is not standard issue in all new vehicles. (Neither is air conditioning.)
  • Windows 7 still requires you to paste your screenshot into an image editor to save it. (Yes, I know… Android is even worse.)
  • Cell phone companies still offer plans without text messaging.
  • POP3 not only still exists, but is frequently used.
  • People are still using roman numerals.
  • 3D is apparently still a good idea.
  • People still make lists of pet peeves and annoyances.
  • Netflix still hasn’t invented a “random movie” option, or for that matter, any easy way to sort by category or MPAA rating.
This is my short list of “daily annoyances” and I’m sure I’m leaving things out. What annoys you now that we live in the future?

What else would you add to this list?

10 Problems in Mario Kart Wii

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I love Mario Kart. (I really love Mario Kart Double Dash.) But every time I play Mario Kart Wii I find myself severely disappointed. I yell at Nintendo. I threaten my console. I unclip the stupid safety harness from my wrist and whip my WiiMote at large plate glass windows. Here are ten reasons Mario Kart Wii can make my blood boil.

1. Poor track selection. I felt the tracks in the game were only mediocre. I liked the inclusion of tracks from older games, but they left out some of the best tracks. They also missed out on a huge opportunity to have downloadable content, where they could add more tracks.

2. No HD. Welcome to the future.

3. Restrictive item selections. You’re current race rank limits the items you are able to get, and the effectiveness of the item.

4. No chat options for multi-player. I know Nintendo want’s to be child friendly. I know Mario Kart brings out the worst in people, it’s a competitive game. But when I’m playing I really want to be able to communicate with the other people racing. “Nice trap!” “Great placement!” “Take this!” “Not this stage again!” I don’t even care if we could only use canned responses, the multiplayer needs communication.

5. Multiplayer Track Selection is terrible. Everyone votes and the selection is random. Seems fair, until you play the same track 3 times in a row. There are some tracks that never get played on. Why can’t the tracks just be cycled through so you can play on all of them? (Oh, you don’t want to play on all of them? See point #1.)

6. Multiplayer Setup is final. If you want to play multiplayer you need to choose a character and a kart before joining up. You want to change kart? You have to quit and rejoin. Want to change character? You have to quit and rejoin. Want to switch from Manual to Automatic mode? You have to quit and rejoin. Also, see point #7 & 8.

7. Character/Kart set up is timed. You have a limited time to choose your character and setup. I don’t know what the time limit is, but it’s like 30 seconds. If you don’t choose in time, it chooses what you have currently selected. What’s worse, after the setup is complete, you often have to watch the end of another race while you wait to join. I couldn’t choose my character while I wait for the other race to end?

8. The home button is disabled in multiplayer mode. You want to quit multiplayer mode? You have to finish a race and select “Quit”. At any other time there is no way for you to pause or back out. Need to leave the room for something? Don’t like the stage your on? Feel like quitting? Turn off your system.

9. Auto disconnect for AFK (AFC?) players (even if one player is playing). I understand, if a player is AFK, they don’t need to be taking up a slot on the race track. But what if I’m playing with a friend and he leaves to use the bathroom, or make a sandvich, or take a nap? Halfway through lap 1 both of us are disconnected. Why not just kick the person who is away and let me keep playing? Also, why do I have to back out to the menu to switch from one player to two player mode for online play? (Hint: see points #6 & 8.)

10. The rating system is fickle and unintuitive. I can understand that if you drive “better” you get a better rating, but isn’t that what the gold, silver and bronze trophies are for? What constitutes “better” driving? What if I get hit by lightning during a jump and fall in the lava? Does that count against me, even though I can’t control when another person uses their items? Do I get more points or less points if I hit other people? I can’t play the game if you don’t tell me the rules. (Disclaimer: I love the card game Mau, but the goal of that game is to discover the rules.) To make matters worse the rating system consists of three stars, two stars, one star and then letter grades. Why have letter grades at all? Why not just have a one-five star rating system? Or why bother with stars, why not have A-F for grades? I don’t get it!

All together my endeavor for good wholesome fun is completely thwarted by Nintendo and their poor decisions. I’ve been angry at video games before. (Donkey Kong Country, Team Fortress 2, Other M…) But I never remember being frustrated by a video game MENU, at least, not until I played Mario Kart Wii.

That’s my story. What has Nintendo done to ruin your life?

A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin

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With the newly made Game of Thrones series on HBO many people, including myself are finding out about the story for the first time.

For those not in the loop, let me give you the elevator pitch. In 1996 George R. R. Martin published A Game of Thrones, the first book in the “Song of Ice and Fire” series. Over the next 14 years he published 4 more books, and has two more books planned. In 2011 HBO created a series based off the first book and presumably will continue with the next books in coming years. The rise in popularity is due in part to the publication of “A Dance with Dragons” the newest of the books and has led to all sorts of games and other merchandise.

If you haven’t read the books but enjoy fantasy like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, or perhaps just like epic-ly long stories like Peter F. Hamilton writes, you might give this a shot. The story is wonderfully complex, the different characters all have their own agendas and any prediction about what the future holds is easily overturned as people make decisions and mistakes in rapid succession.

Unlike other books this story doesn’t follow a single character, or even just a group of good characters. Rather, it follows a dozen or more characters, both “good” and “bad” and is not afraid to kill them off in realistic situations. (Sorry, not trying to spoil anything, just making sure you don’t get too attached to any of the characters as you start out.)

One other thing I would say about these books (perhaps as a warning) is that there is not one single plot line. In Harry Potter there is a single character with a single goal. In A Game of Thrones there are a lot of characters and a lot of goals, and no matter who “wins” in the end, a lot of people are going to lose. One would hope that the ending will be happy, and perhaps for everyone in Westeros it will be, but the way the books are structured I have no doubt that some favorite characters will be losers in the end. The books do not guarantee that “good” will always win and the wealth of characters offer an array of “good” characters who (at least right now) appear to be on opposing sides.

[Note: These books contain enough language, violence, and sex to not be suitable for younger audiences without some editing.]

But now on to my point:

I’m on book four, A Feast for Crows, which is what many people consider to be the low point or the slow point of the books, but I disagree. It’s true, the characters in book four are a lot of secondary or tertiary characters, and to some extent I really don’t care about them, but I think that this is a necessary change for two reasons.

Reason 1: The book centralizes around two or three main families and occasionally jumps off to someone else for plot thickening reasons. When book four makes these other people the subject, it reminds the reader that there is more going on in the wide world, and even the decisions and actions of minor characters can change the outcome for the entire land.

Throughout the first three books the reader discovers a lot of information second, third, or even fourth hand. Book four turns the tables and shows you what happens from a closer look.

So while these characters feel out of place and unimportant, I can’t help but feel that the actions and decisions we see in book four will have huge consequences in the following books as things rise to ultimate battle for Westeros.

Reason 2: In the first three books Martin finds his own style of story telling which nicely jumps from one character to the next chronicling important events as they unfold. As he progresses from book two to book three he begins to adapt his style so that we leave characters right before a big event and return to them after the event, leaving the event to be described in flashback memories from each character.

This style is very efficient for such for a story of such scale, since it allows both the story of a big event without excruciating detail and also the setup for the characters next big challenge.

Overall I like that style, but by the time the reader gets to the end of book three it starts to get a little repetitious. From what I have read about book four is that Martin decided he wanted to tell the whole story for half of the characters instead of half the story for all the characters. And I think he did a really good job.

The pacing of the story is certainly slowed in book four, but it’s a welcome change to the chaotic whirlwind of action that was book three. Think of it as a respite before things start to get crazy again in the coming books. (I only assume the next books will be crazy busy, because there is a lot to happen for everything to be resolved.)

In short, A Song of Ice and Fire is an epic series that you might want to look into. And while some people have complained that A Feast for Crows is the low point of the series, I think that it is a welcome change and well met, provided it is only temporary.

*ADDENDUM*
To clarify any potential confusion:
The five books from George R. R. Martin are part of the “A Song of Ice and Fire” series. Song of Ice and Fire is the ‘subtitle’ for each book. Some people refer to the whole series as Game of Thrones. Also, I have seen abbreviations used in many cases as well, usually just the first letter of each word of the title.

A Game of Thrones: A Song of Ice and Fire: Book One
A Clash of Kings: A Song of Ice and Fire: Book Two
A Storm of Swords: A Song of Ice and Fire: Book Three
A Feast for Crows: A Song of Ice and Fire: Book Four
A Dance with Dragons: A Song of Ice and Fire: Book Five
The Winds of Winter: A Song of Ice and Fire: Book Six (Forthcoming)
A Dream of Spring: A Song of Ice and Fire: Book Seven (Forthcoming)

A Song of Ice and Fire Wikipedia page.

Facebook Books

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I’ve been meaning to get this in writing for some time now, because if I don’t I won’t be able to say “I told you so” when this actually happens.

With Facebook’s launch of the new Timeline feature, I think they are poised very nicely to start offering printed memorabilia. Think about it. They have photos, status updates, events, comments from friends, and more. They know what got the most attention. They have a good idea of what’s important to you.

Imagine this: you go to Facebook and click on a “Printed Book” button. Give them a starting date and a stoping date and Facebook instantly generates a 40 page book of photos, status updates, comments, and likes for your four years of college. You page through it, approving the photos, proofing the text, and swapping out the status updates or photos that are inappropriate for the type of book you are getting.

Rather than your college years, maybe you choose a vacation you took. With maps of where you “checked in” photos that you took at those places and comments from jealous friends who watched your progress from home.

Apple has been promoting books from iPhoto for years. Many photo printing places offer similar selections of printed photo books. There are a few independent companies that let you do something similar, but NONE of these options have the social element and all inclusive data stream like Facebook has.

The books certainly won’t be cheap, but they need to be terribly expensive. For $50 you could give your brother a book of photos and updates chronicling from when he met his girlfriend to the day they got married. (Depending of course on if your brother’s privacy settings allow friends to print books of his timeline or not.)

If Facebook doesn’t jump on this, a third party application will. (If one hasn’t already.)

In fact, I almost see parents setting up accounts for their newborn children to populate it with photos and updates in order to get a full life catalogue. (Facebook might even add this type of thing as a feature.)

That’s my prediction. What do you think?

A Technology Rant

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To all of you PC and Linux users who say that the PC is a superior platform because you can “tweak” it, and it’s for “smart people” to use.

You’re right. I feel so much better, having spent an hour troubleshooting the lack of sound in my video game. That hour I could have been playing was much better spent in frustration and tedious research. Had I been able to play for another hour I would have more quickly realized that my game would freeze for an unspecified reason at a specific point every time I tried to move to level two of my game. Without that initial crash I would not have lost my save data and remembered that I couldn’t rely on autosave, and would not have had to play through the first two hours a second time.

These machines we own, these piles of plastic and metal are nothing but toys. Cheap, pathetic toys and it’s a surprise they even run at all.

Half of you are currently scrolling to the comment section to tell me that I need to update my drivers. Others are blaming the software vendors. A few of you have already typed “get a Mac” and are about to press “submit.”

That’s not the point.

The point is that THIS IS NOT THE FUTURE.

THIS IS A DISASTER! We are living in A MESS.

I have an old and unhappy smart phone. It runs android. It’s crashed on me. But it’s crashed on me less in the last two years than my PC has crashed in 3 months. My iPad’s crashes can be counted on one hand. On both these devices apps can be deleted an reinstalled with minimal fuss in only a few minutes. You don’t even have to loose your data!

It’s often been joked that “Linux is free, if you don’t value your time.” This is almost becoming true for any PC. The time it takes to care for the stupid little critters is hardly worth the cost of owning one.

I know how much some people cringe at the though of a closed garden and closely groomed ecosystem. But IT WORKS.

Technology is suppose to make our lives easier. We spent the first 30 years of personal computing making our lives harder. We have finally started to learn how to correct this and our technology has finally reached a stage where we can make this possible.

Our solution always tends to be “we need newer technology.” The updated software and hardware has done little to ease our burdens. We just get frustrated and annoyed faster. We don’t need “better” technology, we need BETTER DESIGNED technology.

We need things with LESS FEATURES. We want LESS TO GO WRONG. We want all our things to WORK.

So stop telling me this video editing app is better than that one. They both have problems. Stop telling me OGG is better than MP3. Because nothing can play it. Stop telling me that a free system is better than my paid ones. You get what you pay for.

Let’s stop supporting the crap that doesn’t work start perfecting the stuff that does.

3d Tech for 2D Media

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I’ve been thinking a lot about 3D technology over the past few months, since that is what the industry is talking about. While I’m not a huge fan of 3D content, I think this new technology offers many exciting opportunities which we are not quite ready to take advantage of.

Sony’s 3D dual-view split screen gaming
Talking with some colleges a month or two ago, we discussed using the 3D glasses to show different images to different people. About a week later a friend told me that Sony was already planning to do this with some upcoming games or console. I was super excited.

For those who haven’t heard, here is the rundown:

3D works by showing a different image to each eye. Right eye sees image one, left eye sees image two, by means of special glasses. Typically, the left lens is polarized opposite from the right lens, but if you used the same lens for both eyes, you would see a 2D image, you’d just see only half of the images presented on the screen.

So you make a pair of glasses that only sees image one, and a second pair which only sees image two. (Without glasses you would see both images at the same time, I can only assume this would not be pleasant to look at.)

Now two people can look at the same TV and see two different images, all you have to do is tell your game console how to display images correctly.

That’s cool, but now what?
This is just the beginning of what’s possible, though. Using the same technology, a movie theatre could show a movie with close captioning or subtitles. If you don’t want to see the words, you wear one pair of glasses, if you want to see the words, you wear a different pair.

If the tech got good enough and could be attached to either headphones or specifically directed sound devices, two people could watch two different shows on a TV at the same time.

Or maybe a Bluray disk has an alternate ending. Wear one pair of glasses and you see one ending, the second pair gives you an alternative ending.

Branching off of Sony’s idea, what if two kids wanted to play two different games, or two different consoles at the same time. It’s possible, we just have to tell the TVs how to handle the signals.

Too good to be true?
These ideas are not without problems or downsides. If a third person enters the room, the visual complexity of watching Seinfeld and Oblivion at the same time, would probably be rather headache inducing.

3D technology still requires specific seating requirements and even though you are watching 2D footage, you will be wearing glasses.

What do you think? Is this the future? What problems do you foresee with this new tech? How do you really feel about 3D?