Interview Advice

August 2nd, 2011

I once had a job interview. (Note, everything up to this point is completely true. Everything that follows is most definitely fiction.) This job interview was at a large cooperation where I was accepted in the lobby and then asked to ride an elevator to the 49th floor where the interview would be conducted.

I shortly found myself at a large conference table across from an HR representative with little round glasses and a large bundle of papers, many of which contained things about me on them. To his right sat a reserved and well dressed C letter executive whose name I did not know, nor do I think I ever found out.

The interview went mostly well, we chatted about me, about things I do, things I have done and things I would like to do in the future. From what I could tell the pay was going to be great, the job easy, the people friendly, and…

“Who is your favorite super hero, and why?” The HR rep asked me as he read from his paper and cocked his head slightly to the right.

I blinked. This question was right out of nowhere… but I was ready for it.

“I like Batman.” I said thoughtfully. “Batman, or perhaps Ironman. They have all the cool gadgets and I love technology.”

The HR person nodded as he marked down some notes on his large pad.

I glanced down at the table only to be startled backwards by the C letter executive who slammed his fist on the table. My shocked eyes saw a raging, red faced, angry monster in the exact same location and clothing as the quiet executive who was just moments before, also, right there.

“SPIDERMAN COULD TAKE BATMAN ANY DAY OF THE YEAR!” The executive screamed in a not so child friendly manner.

I gulped.

“You really think Batman is better than Spiderman!?!?!” He raged on.

By now the HR rep was slowly sinking under the table, eyes wide, lips moving in some sort of silent prayer.

“Well…” I said cautiously, after I realized he was waiting for an answer. “I think it’s obvious that Batman just has knowledge, skill, and money. Spiderman’s power comes from a bug bite. I’d rather rely on skill and mone…”

“OBVIOUS!?!?!” The exec yelled as his fist once again slammed on the table. “Spiderman has SUPER POWERS! Batman just has money. BATMAN DOESN’T HAVE SUPER POWERS!”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t need super powers, that’s how good he…”

“YOU CAN’T DEFEAT SPIDERMAN IF YOU DON’T HAVE SUPER POWERS! A HUMAN CAN’T DEFEAT A SUPER HERO. BATMAN IS HUMAN, SPIDERMAN IS A SUPER HUMAN!”

“Peter Parker is just a dope!”

“YOU’RE FIRED!”

“I DON’T WORK HERE!”

“AND YOU NEVER WILL!”

“THAT’S FINE, YOUR COMPETITION PAYS BETTER ANYWAY!”

“GET OUT OF MY BUILDING!”

I didn’t get the job. I left disheartened and humiliated. But I learned something, something that one day might help you in a job interview:

Spiderman fans are all nutjobs.