March 6th, 2007 : Bad Author, Good Sales
“Sally sings about saccharine, sugary sweetness swelling up within sound satire swimming with sea-like sandwiches.”
It is obvious from this excerpt that not only does the author not have a clue as to what he is talking about, but also that he gives no apparent attempt too look at all qualified to write anything beyond copying down random words from a dictionary. No thought or process actually went into combining these words into a coherent sentence.
The most disturbing realization lies in the fact that his entire book takes on this form of nonsensical commentary, and despite the horrendous reviews from the critics which cover the back cover of the “book,” if one can call it that, with quotes like “Zero Stars” and “No thumbs up”, the public has gone on a maniac buying spree which has caused the book to remain on the best selling list of all the major book sellers for the last 3 months.
No literary person in their right mind would be able to consciously read more then one page without resorting to physical mutilation of the mind and eyes. It is to this extent that the book is bad. I do not speak lightly of these matters, or even attempt to jest. This book has claimed the lives of three of the greatest literary masters of our day because of how horribly written it is.
The sole fact that the general public loves the book not only drowns out any hope I had for human kind, but also has prompted other wanna be authors to begin writing similar books using massive amounts of pointless incoherent alliteration.
This book has been banned in thirty seven different countries for this sole purpose. Yet for some reason, people are still buying it. Yesterday I saw a person come into a bookstore and purchase, not one, but 7 copies of this book. Upon making this purchase she exclaimed that she had already bought two copies for everyone in her family, and now was making sure she had many extra copies that could be put in safe locations in the chance that she should ever have something happen to them. She was buying backup copies of a book for safe keeping, seven backup copies to be exact.
The utter lunacy derived from such a poorly written manuscript is painful even to talk about. I have trouble even writing this up now, for the the stupidity of the human race drives me to the edge of despair. I know not what will come of this, but right now I can only assume that it will be nothing good.